Top Five Encouraging Things to Say to a Runner

I wrote a blog about things that aren't encouraging that people say all the time to runners (I forgot some classics, like "how many miles is this marathon?" or "you're almost there" when you're not even halfway).  But I thought it might be nice to include some things that actually are encouraging.

5. Great job!  Sometimes we don't feel like it was such a great run.  Sometimes we're sore and tired and the heat and humidity (or cold, depending on the season) has gotten to us. But it sure helps to hear someone tell us "good job."

4. Have you lost weight?  Who doesn't like to hear that? Many runners are running away from that fat person they somehow became, and it's really encouraging when someone else notices.

3. Fantastic time!  When someone who knows running compliments you on your pace, your workout time, or your race time, it means a lot.  Whether it's a Boston Marathon Qualifying time or you ran the entire 5K course for the first time ever, it means a lot when someone says something positive about your time.  Yes, there's always someone faster (unless you're the world champion), but most of us aren't racing against that guy.  We're racing the clock and ourselves.

2. (Insert smart coaching here). Most of us are learning as we go along; it's great when someone tells us something that will help us run better, faster, farther, or easier.  Last year I had a goal of beating 20 minutes for the 5K.  Someone (or multiple someones) told me I needed to add speedwork to my routine (duh!).  When I did, my time started dropping - not just for the 5K, but everywhere.  Other times the smart coaching is "listen to your body" - especially when dealing with injury or illness.  Or "don't be rigid" in your training. etc.  Good coaching from a more-experienced runner is encouraging.

1. You can do it!  There are times when we think we can't.  It's great to hear someone remind us that we can. This goes for a beginner who is running his first race or a proven champion who is trying to run her personal best. There are times when a run seems too far or too fast - it's great to have someone cheer us on.

What would you add to this list?

Top Five Non-Encouraging Things to Say to a Runner

There are all kinds of people, some who run, others who don't.  One thing I've found is that it's easy to encourage fellow runners... but sometimes what we think is clever and encouraging, well, isn't.  So I'm compiling a list of the not-so-encouraging things that I've heard while running.



5. HONK!!!! Yes, I know you want to get my attention as you drive by in your car.  You got it.  And now my shorts are a mess.  Thanks a lot.

4. You're just going to tear up your knees. Hey, I'd rather tear up my knees by running than by carrying an extra 40 pounds everywhere (which I was a few years ago).

3. Well, oh, yeah? I ran that in...  If we're comparing PRs, we're allowed to share fastest times.  If you're blogging a race report, that's great - include PRs, especially if you just hit one (or were close to it).  Even if it's amazingly fast... or not so much.  But if your PR came 25 years ago and 100,000 beers ago, don't bother sharing it.  Especially if you haven't run since then.  Oneupmanship is ridiculous.

2. Run, Forrest, Run!  You may think you're clever saying this.  You may think that you're the first one to think this up. You may think it's the first time I've heard it. You aren't, and you aren't, and it isn't.

1. Run Faster! Unless you're my coach, which you aren't, then you probably have no idea how fast I'm supposed to be running.  Sometimes I run fast.  Other times I'm running a recovery run and it's supposed to be a slower pace.  Other times I'm going as fast as I can.  It doesn't encourage me when you yell "run faster" at me.

What else would you include?

Encouragement

This morning I preached on encouragement. And I gave an assignment: to encourage someone every day this week.  I didn't leave it for people to "only" encourage one person; I encouraged them to encourage multiple people.  The cool thing is I saw it start immediately.  Not only did I see people talking to one another, encouraging one another, but I heard it.  I had several people say something encouraging to me, including a really great message left on my answering machine.

Here's the thing: this past week I had some really un-encouraging moments where I got wind of some complaints and gossip.  I had already committed to developing this "Life Together" sermon series and to this sermon in particular, but I was really discouraged.  I thought about blasting a couple shots across the church (verbally, of course), but then I realized that I would be letting two people bring down the entire service (because who really likes to be blasted at by the pastor? I sure don't.  When I hear pastors ranting and raving, even if I agree with their point of view, I'm pretty likely to just shut down).  I'm glad I didn't blast off.  God has some work to do with us, and I believe it starts with us doing life together the way He meant.  The "one another" verses in scripture are a good start.

Final Reunion Thoughts

Sunday morning came early after a late (for me) night Saturday - after spending 6 hours on my feet at the reunion, it was time to run.  Literally.  My training plan had me scheduled for 20 miles on the weekend, so I mapped out a route from Kokomo High School through Highland Park - it was a 2.5 mile course, so I figured I'd run it out-and-back 4 times.  It worked out well; I could keep Gatorade and Gu Chomps in the car and also hit the water fountains in the park.  An added bonus: I'd get to run through my old neighborhood as well as the park where I spent much of my formative years.

You wouldn't believe how many memories flooded back as I ran back and forth.  Though there have been changes since I was there, much was still the same.  I saw the various trees I spent time in. I especially enjoyed seeing the other runners in the park (I counted 16 - including one guy who was running 9 miles who I saw multiple times).  As I finished running, there was an older guy on a bike going the same direction.  He had to have thought I was extremely strange (at best) as I sprinted to "beat" him to my "finish line."

I cleaned up, had breakfast (prepared by Suzanne Carey), and headed for church.  I had decided to go to Chapel Hill Christian Church's 10:30 service, which was really good timing - I was able to get cleaned up, eat breakfast, and get to church on time.  There, the coolest thing happened: as I went into the church, the first person I saw was my old friend Darrell.  I had been e-mailing with Darrell and was bummed that he wasn't going to be at our reunion (family vacation took priority) - so I was super excited to see him.  It was great to get a chance to worship with him, to have him take me on the "tour" of the building (they've built a new sanctuary since I was there - and renovated most of the old), and to go out for lunch together after church.  We laughed so hard at all the old stories - most of which hadn't been told in years. I hadn't seen Darrell or his wife since they made their way to Chicago for my wedding, over 13 years ago...

This was probably my highlight of the weekend - getting to hang out with an old friend for as long as we wanted, talking, laughing, sharing.  And I hope to not wait 20 years to do it again.

Reunion Thoughts, Part 4: Friday & Saturday

Though the focal point of the reunion was the reunion itself, there was a whole lot more to the weekend than just the major events.  The first part was having dinner at my sister's and getting to hang out with my nephews.  A highlight of that visit was sitting with Mark (who is almost 6), telling him stories of things his mom and I had done when we were little.  I had never gotten to have that kind of quality time with Mark (he's much more interested in playing with Jonathan than listening to Uncle Brian tell stories).

When I got to Kokomo, I stayed at David Carey's house.  David became my best friend approximately the first time I met him.  Actually we talked once on the soccer field when we were in 5th grade, but on the first day of 6th grade, we were instant best friends.  He wasn't able to make it to the reunion, but I stayed at his house anyway - his mom has always been my "second mom" to the extent that she (like my real mom) cries when I leave.  It was good to hang out with her a little bit (even if her dog doesn't like me), and it made things convenient for the reunion.

On Saturday morning, I went out to Converse, IN for the 5K run (I'm going with my watch time instead of theirs; it took me several seconds to actually get started with the disorganized start) - but I already blogged about that here. A highlight of the run was hanging out with some friends, but I thought "if I'm already in Converse, I ought to drop by Rainbow Christian Camp, where I went to church camp every year."  I pulled through, and I guess I was a little too spooked by all the old ghosts I'd left there, so I didn't get out of my car.  I thought the "old" section (which was the "only" section when I was there) was a little shabby - overgrown bushes and so forth - I don't know how much they use the old dining hall.  I was disappointed that the old Coke machine was gone.  Not surprised, as it was the kind that held glass bottles, but I remember it being a rite of passage into highschoolhood to be allowed to use the Coke machine.

On the way home, I stopped by Macedonia Christian Church, where I grew up. I hadn't been there in over 20 years, and I was happy to find a door open (a women's group was meeting) so I could go in and explore.  I found the old puppet stage we used for years back in the day, and I got to go through the "new" section (where the "old, old building" used to be.  It was also good to see some of our dear family friends.

Then on the way back to Kokomo, I had a chance encounter with the husband of one of my favorite teachers (actually I never had her class; she was our cheerleading sponsor) at a garage sale in Greentown. After lunch I went to Northwest Park to see a friend (whose husband was playing in a softball tournament).  It was a really relaxed way to hang out and remember... plus it was fun to meet her kids.  And as a bonus, I ran into my second cousin and his family when I was there!!!

Reunion Thoughts, part 3, the Actual Reunion

On Saturday evening, we had the "actual" reunion function. It was held at the Booster Club of Kokomo, a general reception hall. They had food and drinks available (I stuck to the lemonade, which was very tasty - you can never be too sure what the lemonade will taste like. Church lemonade is often on the, well, Crystal Lite side).

Someone came up with the clever idea to have our senior pictures on our nametags. I say "clever" because there were plenty of people who had changed significantly enough that I needed some extra help remembering who they were. So at least I could look and see what they used to look like (and possibly jog my memory as to who they were).

The biggest disappointment about Saturday evening is who *wasn't* there. When you've got a class of 500, there will be some no-shows. Some couldn't attend because they had other obligations, other couldn't afford to make the trip, and others just didn't want to go (for various reasons, good or bad). But seeing all of their nametags there was kind of sad. And then there were the ones who had died since 1990. Though I had been friends with several of our deceased classmates, it was saddest to see Joe Kratzer's picture on that board. He had been a good friend, and I know he would have had a good time there.

I mostly spent my time talking, sharing the same story multiple times with multiple people. Sometimes I forgot who knew that we had foster kids. The music was (at times) too loud for good conversation (I got over that "shout over the music" attitude when I was in college), but the DJ played lots of good 80s/early 90s music, and I enjoyed that.

I did end up having some really meaningful conversations that I never expected to have, and that was a highlight of my evening. The entire weekend was worth it just for those moments.

Reunion Thoughts, part 2, in which I ran a 5K race

 After a late Friday night, I got up early in the morning to head out to Converse, Indiana, for a 5K race.  I had decided it would be fun to run a local race and invite fellow classmates to join me.  Three of them actually took me up on the offer, and it was great to see Matt and Holly and Nancy (and to meet Nancy's husband, John).

The race itself was the most disorganized race I've ever run in.  To be fair, it was also the cheapest race, so perhaps some of the disorganization came from the fact that "you get what you pay for." I had preregistered, but they didn't have my race packet.  They were nice about it and gave me a bib and found me a t-shirt (though they'd run out of the blue ones that they were giving out and gave me a choice of a left-over white or orange one).  The race was sponsored by an insurance company, and they have four races yearly, so I think they save cost by just printing up one (generic) shirt for all of them.  No big deal.

I got a chance to talk to my friends and also saw my old cross country coach.  Now, to appreciate this, you have to know that we had a "falling out" at the beginning of my sophomore year.  I was playing soccer (had been named captain of the team) and was running cross country.  Having earned my varsity letter as a freshman, I had committed to the cross country team as my first priority (even over soccer, which was only a club sport at the time), but because I missed practices to go to church camp, I wasn't eligible for the first meet, and so I went to a soccer game instead and the coach didn't like that and called my house and shouted at my sister.  So I quit the team.  Anyway, I found him and talked to him, and it was really good.  I had long since forgiven him, but it was great to talk as peers.  I remembered when I was in 8th grade and he came to me and encouraged me to run in high school, telling me I'd make a good high school cross country runner - I told him that was important to me.  He still remembered and remarked, "yeah, you were a good runner. You were really fast in middle school." I was impressed that he didn't remember me as the trouble-maker who quit the team but as the really fast middle school runner.  It was a good conversation, and I was glad to connect with him in that way.


So just before 8:00, the scheduled start time we all moved up the street to the start area and found my place just behind those really fast guys who you can tell right away by their 0% body fat and racing flats and sprint-out warm-ups.  I waited and stretched a little and waited some more. 

... and waited... and waited...

Then I went back and talked to my friends for a while.  Then some race organizers came and told us to move back behind the line (I guess we were in front of it; there wasn't really a "line" - just the idea of one, I guess). So we moved back and as we were milling around, there was a whistle and the runners in front started.

There was no introduction or thank you.  There was no "runners set",  and no race directions.  There was just a whistle. And I found myself behind some slow people. So after dodging between several and almost stepping on another, I jumped out onto the grass and sprinted around to get a better start.

I didn't have any complaints about the race course; though I didn't know exactly where it was going, it was a simple course.  There was one surprise - that we went through the fairgrounds and around alongside the track, where some horses were practicing (I remembered the Kentucky Derby Festival Marathon, where we went through Churchill Downs - just a slightly bigger scale).  I didn't mind the smell (I run through farms all the time), but the dust cloud was a little less than ideal.

The course was minimally marked, but that's no complaint; it was marked as well as it needed to be.  There were signs marking every turn and the mile markers were clear (and they had someone at each marker calling out times).  My first mile was a little fast: 5:56(!), but my second mile was more where I wanted to run (6:27), and my third mile was 6:35 (with a last .1 in :38).

At times it felt hard to maintain competitveness, as the elite runners were all out ahead and there was a huge gap (in which I found myself) between them and the next group. But I finished in 19:38, 3 seconds off my PR (set this week last year). I was happy with that, and with 4th place in my age group (18th overall).

It is always fun to run local 5K races, and it was nice to see some old friends there.

Reunion Thoughts, part 1

This weekend I went to my 20th high school reunion. I had been back in town a couple of times since then, but hadn't seen many people since I left, so I was excited to go back. On Friday night, I spent most of my time talking to two people.

The first was Richard, who I used to run with in middle school and high school. He doesn't run much anymore, but he looks like he could jump out and start right back where he left off. I hadn't seen Richard since graduation, and though it was good to see him, it was tough, as he's going through a rough time.

I also talked to Tony, who I *have* seen since graduation, and we did plenty of laughing.

Some random thoughts on the Friday night mixer:

*I'm not into the bar scene. I was rather surprised at how many people were smoking (and living in Ohio, I'd forgotten that some places still allow smoking in public buildings). Not so pleasant.

*I was surprised at how many people I *didn't* know. There were some people who didn't look any different than they did in high school, but there were others who I didn't recognize at all. Some of my classmates looked old and tired. Some seemed like they've given up on life. Others were drinking to excess, which doesn't necessarily say anything about their daily lives but maybe more about the company.

*People often talk about the cliques and how "those people still don't talk to anyone who wasn't in their clique." It's not that simple & not that black and white. Of course they primarily talk to their "clique" - those are the people they *knew* and the ones they were looking forward to seeing. It's just like me spending my time with Richard and Tony. I wasn't trying to exclude everyone else; I just wanted to catch up with old friends.

*Facebook has been a great facilitator of relationships. I specifically looked for some of my FB "friends" at the reunion (and was disappointed that I didn't get to reconnect with several). It's nowhere near as good as face-to-face communication, but it beats no communication.

Competition

This morning I was running some speed work on the track. Usually when I run speed work, I like to have loud music blaring in my ears, pushing me faster, but this morning the humidity and (almost) rain forced me to run without tunes. So I was doing what I usually do when I run: praying.

As I prayed, I felt like God was telling me something. Something subtle in that still small voice. Or maybe not. "Shut up" were the exact words. "I want to talk to you for a while."

As I "listened" God "spoke." It was all about competition. One reason I run is because I'm competitive. mostly against myself. And as I ran my 1600m repeats, I was focused on "negative splits" (meaning running each one faster than the other).

The message I got from God was that I've been working hard all my life to prove that I'm good enough. That I fit in. If I can only achieve, then it will prove all that.

God told me that I don't have anything to prove, because it doesn't have anything to do with how well I achieve. I have worth because of who HE is. Because He declares me "good enough" for His love. Because He declares me not just barely good enough, but perfect - made so by the blood of Jesus.

It was a great feeling to be reminded of who I am.

And I ran the last 1600m 5 seconds faster than the first.