Wednesday, December 22, 2004

So what is it about this place that keeps me here?

This isn't just a rhetorical question. It's something I need answers for. See, I believe that if there's not a reason for doing something, well, then there's no reason to be doing it. I've been down a lot lately, and it could just be that I'm in a desert place for this time in my life, or it could be that this isn't right for me.

I wish there was an easy way to tell. But then, of course, life isn't supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to just be smooth sailing. If it was, well, then, the Bible was just full of extra-screwed up people. Well, you know what I mean. Or do you? What I mean is this: the Bible is full of stories of people who had to struggle, scratch, and claw their way through life. I know life wasn't supposed to be like that prior to Adam's sin. Afterwords, well, that's just the way it is. There are definitely good times, but there are other times...

Like now. Like wondering if what I'm doing is really doing any good. I know it is, at least for some individuals like B___, whose house I went over to the other day, just to hang out. It certainly means something to G___, who is always around wherever I am. It seems like I've totally lost touch with the high school kids. I'm actually looking forward to Lent, when I can lead a Bible study with them. Even if it is at 6:00 am.

Maybe I'm just going through growth pains. Maybe that's just what happens when I start to look ahead and try to vision what the youth group is supposed to look like. One thing I have found; I'm impatient. I want the visioning time (for the whole church) here and done with already. I mean, if we can come up with a vision & mission and purpose for our church, then I can take that and run the youth ministry by it. But it gets so old running it day in, day out, always alone... another reason I loved having David around...

Anyway, I am convinced that I'm supposed to be here now. I don't know much else.

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