Saturday, December 22, 2007

A New Look
This is my southern-fried rocker look. I decided that Christmas time would be the best time to give it a test-drive.

The hat completed the look, but the one thing missing (I thought about it after the fact) was that I should probably be using a slide to play my guitar.

But it made me wonder why I don't see very many mutton chops or handlebar mustaches these days.

Tara seems to think it's because we're in northwest Ohio.


Dunce said...

What's the official name of a "crustache" that extends beyond the upper lip? I'm just asking.

By the way there are several things that must be remedied before the photo can represent a proper southern-fried rocker:

First, is that a HOCKEY t-shirt?!?! It really should represent one or more of the following: rebel flag, Skynyrd (see also Molly Hatchet, or .38 Special if you're a wuss), Harley-Davidson. But really any sort of t-shirt damages your southern-rock credibility.

Second, what's the deal with your guitar strap, and the guitar itself for that matter? Both should show signs of prolonged, hard use (artifically aged if necessary).

Third, are you sitting down? Unless you're a member of Widespread Panic I think this is a blunder.

Fourth, it doesn't look like you are in one of the approved southern-fried rock locations (in a honky-tonk/roadhouse, on stage, in jail, in a truck, working as an extra on a movie set. Or any combination of the above).

I hope many of these failings will be remedied in the next photo you publish.

Best wishes,
Mutton Chop

the Sister said...

I think you're going to have to really commit to the look before you can get it to catch on...

The Thief said...

Hey, "Dunce" better known as "Sir Richard the Lion-Haired"

to answer your questions:
1. that is barely a hockey t-shirt; it is from a team from Kentucky (?!) that folded years ago.

2. I repeatedly beat my skateboard, er, my guitar on the curb to make it look more used and to elevate my street cred. Alas and alack, it was to no avail.

3. I am indeed a member of Widespread Panic. Or at least I saw them once in Chicago. Well, I didn't exactly see them, but some of my friends did.

4. I am indeed working as an extra on a movie set. Unfortunately, it's a home movie. I'm even an extra in my own home movies.

Conclusions: I am going to make it big-time, so I ought to quit my job and try to get a gig at Filmore East.

The Thief said...

Oh, and "Dunce" you forgot the most telling detail of all (that was left out). Note the conspicuous absence of any alcoholic beverages from the picture. That should serve as a dead give-away of my true status.

The Sister said...

But if you really want to get Eddie Van Halen to play in your band, you're going to have to make a triumphant video.
And if you want to make a triumphant video, you probably should have decent instruments.
And if you're going to have decent instruments, you probably should learn how to play them, which is why you need Eddie Van Halen...

The Thief said...

But, again, the lack of any visible alcoholic beverages will probably also deter Mr. Van Halen from joining my band to help me make a triumphant video.

Rev. Dulce said...

As a Southerner, let me say that one of the first giveaways was the fact that the shirt (any shirt) still had it's sleeves on.

Keep trying, but I believe that in order to truly make it you are going to have to beat the guitar over your head (lose a few brain cells and make it look tougher, rougher and a little lumpy--the head and the guitar).

Plus, the beer in the background is an absolute must. At least put up a neon beer sign....

Mark said...

Loose the cowboy hat & add an Oklahoma University faded ball cap... you could fit in to almost any small town in Oklahoma! & yes, you would need to be holding a domestic beer!

DUNCE said...

Dear Thief,

Just so's you know, I hain't shaved since right about the time you made this post. I'm lookin to show you what real quality facial hair looks like. However, I am aiming for "softball player" rather than "southern rocker".

And Mrs. Dunce says "THANK YOU".

Best whishes,