Friday, February 13, 2004

Some thoughts about ministry:

Jim Burns offered some questions to ponder -- deep questions that cut to the heart of ministry. I figure I should try to answer them for myself. Following are the questions and my answers:

1.Do I like the human being I am becoming?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I love that I'm growing closer to God. I love that the times when I just long to be with him, to spend time in prayer, to spend time in the Word, to listen -- I love that these times are more and more frequent, that I feel I need to be with him, not necessarily for ministry, but because, well, because he loves me. On the other hand, I have certainly become more cynical. I've become more negative and down. Lately I've felt a lot of pressure, and that's made me depressed and that hasn't helped things at all. Also, it seems like I eat too much junk food, and I just haven't lost the weight I put on when we went to Phoenix, and that ticks me off. I mean, I wonder how a teenager could end up anorexic or bulimic, and here I am, not satisfied with the way my body looks... and I don't have near the pressure that these kids do. But when most of my pants don't quite fit anymore and I end up wearing the same ones over and over again, not necessarily because I like them best (though I do), but really because that's what fits...

2.Is the work of God I'm doing destroying the work of God in me?
A couple of months ago, I would have said definitely yes. I was so run down trying to do everything that I wasn't even spending time in prayer. I wasn't reading my Bible. In short, I really was getting to the point of not caring. But lately I've stepped back from so much work. I've made sure to work out at least about 3 times a week and I just go in to the office later those days. It helps out so much. I try to read the Bible daily and to get something out of it. To learn. To be inspired. That's what I love about The Message; I can read familiar passages and get a new feel to them.

3.How often does my family only receive my emotional scraps?
This has been more true over the past year, when I come home and "talk church" to Tara more than I want to. This has been true even for the youth group, that they don't get my best either. Administration and busy work are getting my best. That has to stop. In fact, I'm getting out of here now to visit the high school...

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