Thursday, November 04, 2004

Tonight in Bible study, we were talking about God leading us. About God breaking us, stretching us, and speaking to us and all that. I was thinking about that... when God's really stretching me, it's painful. It hurts, probably partially because it hurts to look in a mirror and realize that the image there isn't pretty. It hurts to figure out (or to have it spotlighted for you) that the status quo isn't acceptable (I was told a couple of months back that something I did - or rather, something I allowed to happen - was unacceptable and that still hurts). When I'm stretched, it's never anything pleasant. I don't like stretching. I suppose that's why I don't ask God to stretch me. I suppose that's why I don't ask him to let (make) me totally lean on him and trust him. I need to do that, constantly, with my whole life, with everything I am, but it hurts.

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