Halloween Police Blotter Report
From the Buckeye Lake Beacon.
• Oct. 27: Police were called by the new owners of the Spurgeon house on Lancaster Street who are concerned strange occurrences. They reported that while repairing the home they have heard strange noises, unexplained footsteps and harpsichord music. Visible objects floating in mid-air on the second floor have also been reported.
This place is just down the block from us. On Trick or Treat night, the residents (?) [or whoever the people on the porch were] weren't handing out candy (even though they had some large bowls of it). Perhaps the candy was reserved for haunts.
4 comments:
So they were sitting on the porch with bowls of candy and NOT handing it out? That sounds much stranger than their reported strange occurrences.
Another thought crosses my mind -- are you sure the people on the porch were the residents? Are you even sure they were corporeal? Maybe you should have called the police too to report this strange occurrence.
Darn that dunce; that's what I was going to suggest. Did you try putting your hand through them? or actually touching the candy?
The candy was being tested for hallucinogens and deemed unsafe for public dispersion and/or consumption. It was later deemed that sugar, artificial coloring / flavoring, and preservatives intermixed and consumed in unusual quantities can affect the cognitive faculties. Hence, sad story of "Mikey" (of the famed Life cereal commercials) mixing the once popular Pop Rocks candy and soda pop leading to his untimely demise. I looked it up on www.nope(couldn'thappen).com
The "porch participants" where being force fed oatmeal raisin cookies while staring at mass quantities of sugar paraphernalia, a known intervention used in sugar / chemical detox.
Everyone knows that oatmeal / raisins (known healthy snacks) do not belong in anything considered to be a treat. (I prefer to not call this atrocity a "cookie" but rather a deceptive ploy to trick innocent children into sugar / chemical detox)
Thanks for sharing this important story at this critical time of year. I felt that additional information was needed to inform your loyal following.
There are some people I wish were ghosts.
Post a Comment