Thursday, January 20, 2005

This is what I ended up looking like. And what I used to look like ;-)

Anyway, to elaborate a little on the talk with the SP, I sat down yesterday with him and I told him that I feel like I'm out on my own and nobody has my back and he admitted that he could see that, but that he was struggling with how he could have my back. He admitted to me that he is driven and task-oriented and that relationship building is extremely hard for him. He just assumed that a certain style that worked with the youth pastor where he used to be would work with me; it didn't. I'm so relationally driven and, if you've read the 5 Love Languages, my primary love language is words of affirmation, so to have him say all these negative things to me didn't motivate me at all, especially since I've been run down for a long time. It made me want out of here, and fast!

Now that I've talked it over with him, I get the feeling that a few people have been complaining, and they are just the people who complain all the time anyway (but he doesn't know that yet). See, he is withholding judgment on everyone (me included) because he doesn't yet know who is trustworthy and who isn't. It didn't take me long to figure that out (I test high on the gift of discernment, btw)... That does make me feel better to some degree.

He does want me to stay, but he fears that because I've disappointed those people, that they won't trust me and that I'm in danger of losing credibility here. I don't think that's the case, but if I don't have cred. with SP, I don't have it with anyone (when it comes down to it).

So with that in mind, I'm going to try as hard as I can to beat Michigan and if I don't, well, I can always dig ditches.

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